ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Monday, June 23, 2008
Friday, May 09, 2008
Top 1 Fuel Saving Tips
Don't drive
Not a popular thing to say on a car site, I know, but the fact is that if you can avoid driving, you'll save gas. Take the train, carpool, and consolidate your shopping trips. Walking or biking is good for your wallet and your health. And before you get in your car, always ask yourself: "Is this trip really necessary?"
Not a popular thing to say on a car site, I know, but the fact is that if you can avoid driving, you'll save gas. Take the train, carpool, and consolidate your shopping trips. Walking or biking is good for your wallet and your health. And before you get in your car, always ask yourself: "Is this trip really necessary?"
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me s ick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me s ick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
Sunday, April 06, 2008
3 answers scared by men
(Whatever)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want la, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
?....... Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good la, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
(Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good la, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a caf¨¦ and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything
(You decide)
Men: Then we just go home lo
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want la
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it la... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk lo. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything
%^^$&^&^&^^*&£©(Look around... no one here, gonna kill her....)
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want la, eat steamboat later got pimples in my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
?....... Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood no good la, later I got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
(Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie no good la, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? You not feel tire meh?
Men: Then find a caf¨¦ and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: Anything
(You decide)
Men: Then we just go home lo
Women: You decide
Men: Let take bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want la
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it la... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk lo. Take a slow walk
Women: What to walk with empty stomach woh?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything
%^^$&^&^&^^*&£©(Look around... no one here, gonna kill her....)
Friday, March 21, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
从生日推断你是什么脾气？
1， 帝雉 1/15~2/14出生
条理清晰、见解力强、诚实而坚毅型的人。虽然拥有老实又温和的外表，内心却隐藏着像梅花一般的坚强个性。重视自我实践、有效率地达成目标，你总希望能不断进步以完成更高的理想。你有向上的野心，更会不惜花费时间、金钱，力求完成。
2， 鹰 2/15~3/14出生
早熟善感，富有个性与创意，独特的思维模式让你显得神秘与吸引力。文艺方面具有相当的天份，希望在旅游中找寻人生的真谛与灵魂的意义，流动式的生存方式，也是你向往且擅长的，因此如果硬要把自已绑在一个固定的范围之内，你可能会感到有挫折感，「留在固定模式的框框」里，会埋没了你的才能！
3， 白鸽 3/15~4/14出生
心地善良总是把温暖欢乐带给别人，具有从事公益活动的精神。常常不顾自己，尽力完成别人的托付，要小心被心怀不轨的人利用。不过你却不会因此改变性格，但你却会升华这些教训，变得越来越坚强！
4， 蜂鸟 4/15~5/14出生
个性主观且执着，却是性情中人！不会沉溺于不切实际的空想当中，专心一志达成目标。能适时展现出勇敢果断的一面，口才佳，具谋略且反应快的你，有与生俱来的机智和过人的逻辑力，这样的你不论成为领导人物，还是人气活跃的角色，都会备受注目与拥戴。
5， 画眉鸟 5/14~6/14出生
天生具有神秘感与灵巧的变化性，但时常容易处于矛盾之中。隐藏着两种极端的个性，温柔与强势、可爱与妒嫉、浪费与小气，属于纤细敏感体质。在微笑背后，也有想象不到的超现实的另一面。你适合担任辅臣或谋臣，较能发挥力量。
6， 九官鸟 6/15~7/16出生
具好奇心，聪明且幽默风趣的人。想法一直在改变，虽然辩才无碍，但常不小心把重要的事说溜了嘴。对于耍宝、搞气氛方面也很擅长，人际关系手腕圆滑，如果能不把聪明表现得太过火的话，就能成为人气极旺的阳光人物喔！
7， 文鸟 7/17~8/16出生
容易觉得寂寞，很容易被感动，也很乐意感动别人。虽然很会照顾人，内心却有天真的一面，像彼得潘，是个长不大的顽皮小孩，不过，有时却令人意外地会展现出成熟的一面。
8， 孔雀 8/17~9/16出生
个性鲜明，超喜欢追求流行，永远在找寻自已能引人注目的方式。总是活在想象的世界里。拥有号召人群的能力，可以让大家都聚精会神听你说话；缺点是容易光说不练，若能培养行动力，就有本事让人都愿意跟随你。
9， 七色鸟 9/17~10/16出生
理智型的人，很懂得做事的方法，有时不免对他人的要求也高，如果过于苛求，最后可能会走向孤独，或许是因为带有悲观的性格，所以，你也会常常因为害怕失去，连可以得到的也将之拒绝的情形发生。
10，乌鸦 10/17~11/16出生
不笑的时候，显得冷酷与淡漠，其实内心隐藏热情，具长辈缘，也会得同辈与晚辈的喜爱与拥戴。不过，因为完美主义的倾向，而考虑太多难以下决定。对于讨厌的人，会毫不保留地加以唾弃，讨厌不公平的事情发生。
11，金丝雀 11/17~12/14出生
性情中人，容易冲动而行。不过正因为这股隐藏在内心的热诚，让你具有使不可能变成为可能的力量。遇到困难也会超越原本能力。你奉行「一次不忠百次不用」，不会背叛人，也决不原谅背叛的人。
12，鹦鹉 12/15~1/14出生
自由奔放的乐天派，但因为容易固执的结果，反而导致一些机会与你擦身而过。虽然拥有天份与才气，却过于沉溺在自我傲气中；个性反复无常、兴趣多，也很懂得玩乐，也会有外人意想不到的认真态度！因此要修正一下自己的毛或优柔寡断的个性。
条理清晰、见解力强、诚实而坚毅型的人。虽然拥有老实又温和的外表，内心却隐藏着像梅花一般的坚强个性。重视自我实践、有效率地达成目标，你总希望能不断进步以完成更高的理想。你有向上的野心，更会不惜花费时间、金钱，力求完成。
2， 鹰 2/15~3/14出生
早熟善感，富有个性与创意，独特的思维模式让你显得神秘与吸引力。文艺方面具有相当的天份，希望在旅游中找寻人生的真谛与灵魂的意义，流动式的生存方式，也是你向往且擅长的，因此如果硬要把自已绑在一个固定的范围之内，你可能会感到有挫折感，「留在固定模式的框框」里，会埋没了你的才能！
3， 白鸽 3/15~4/14出生
心地善良总是把温暖欢乐带给别人，具有从事公益活动的精神。常常不顾自己，尽力完成别人的托付，要小心被心怀不轨的人利用。不过你却不会因此改变性格，但你却会升华这些教训，变得越来越坚强！
4， 蜂鸟 4/15~5/14出生
个性主观且执着，却是性情中人！不会沉溺于不切实际的空想当中，专心一志达成目标。能适时展现出勇敢果断的一面，口才佳，具谋略且反应快的你，有与生俱来的机智和过人的逻辑力，这样的你不论成为领导人物，还是人气活跃的角色，都会备受注目与拥戴。
5， 画眉鸟 5/14~6/14出生
天生具有神秘感与灵巧的变化性，但时常容易处于矛盾之中。隐藏着两种极端的个性，温柔与强势、可爱与妒嫉、浪费与小气，属于纤细敏感体质。在微笑背后，也有想象不到的超现实的另一面。你适合担任辅臣或谋臣，较能发挥力量。
6， 九官鸟 6/15~7/16出生
具好奇心，聪明且幽默风趣的人。想法一直在改变，虽然辩才无碍，但常不小心把重要的事说溜了嘴。对于耍宝、搞气氛方面也很擅长，人际关系手腕圆滑，如果能不把聪明表现得太过火的话，就能成为人气极旺的阳光人物喔！
7， 文鸟 7/17~8/16出生
容易觉得寂寞，很容易被感动，也很乐意感动别人。虽然很会照顾人，内心却有天真的一面，像彼得潘，是个长不大的顽皮小孩，不过，有时却令人意外地会展现出成熟的一面。
8， 孔雀 8/17~9/16出生
个性鲜明，超喜欢追求流行，永远在找寻自已能引人注目的方式。总是活在想象的世界里。拥有号召人群的能力，可以让大家都聚精会神听你说话；缺点是容易光说不练，若能培养行动力，就有本事让人都愿意跟随你。
9， 七色鸟 9/17~10/16出生
理智型的人，很懂得做事的方法，有时不免对他人的要求也高，如果过于苛求，最后可能会走向孤独，或许是因为带有悲观的性格，所以，你也会常常因为害怕失去，连可以得到的也将之拒绝的情形发生。
10，乌鸦 10/17~11/16出生
不笑的时候，显得冷酷与淡漠，其实内心隐藏热情，具长辈缘，也会得同辈与晚辈的喜爱与拥戴。不过，因为完美主义的倾向，而考虑太多难以下决定。对于讨厌的人，会毫不保留地加以唾弃，讨厌不公平的事情发生。
11，金丝雀 11/17~12/14出生
性情中人，容易冲动而行。不过正因为这股隐藏在内心的热诚，让你具有使不可能变成为可能的力量。遇到困难也会超越原本能力。你奉行「一次不忠百次不用」，不会背叛人，也决不原谅背叛的人。
12，鹦鹉 12/15~1/14出生
自由奔放的乐天派，但因为容易固执的结果，反而导致一些机会与你擦身而过。虽然拥有天份与才气，却过于沉溺在自我傲气中；个性反复无常、兴趣多，也很懂得玩乐，也会有外人意想不到的认真态度！因此要修正一下自己的毛或优柔寡断的个性。
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